Do you remember?

Do you remember......

when we had to stand up to change the channel on the television?

when we had to dial a phone number to find out the time and temperature?

pay phones?

when you had to insert your key into the car door to open it?

drinking a Jolt was akin to drinking a beer?

when you had to put your ghettoblaster next to the radio to record a song?

when you had to turn the dial to just the right position to hear the radio?

when a remote control had a 20 foot long cord

when you had to roll your window down?

there was a prize in the cereal?

you had to backspace and put a white correction paper in to correct an error when typing

Trapper Keepers

picking your photos up at Fotomat

renting a VCR

how we cooked without a microwave--(stove)

Rotary telephones

console stereos

Ice Cube trays

friendship bracelets made wtih DMC floss

tole painting-(dot painting)

Gunny sack dresses

25 cent hamburgers at Hardees

transistor radios (from Radio Shack)

Underoo's and Swatch watches

"Gee, your hair smells terrific"

Loves Baby Soft

Avocado appliances

filmstrips

Mello Yello soda pop

Headbangers Ball

Ditto machines

Get-in-shape girl!

New York Seltzer

Genera

Speak and Spell

The Fonz

Romper Room

The Jane Fonda Workout

Teddy Ruxpin

The Super Bowl Shuffle

Nylons that came in an egg

Cinnamon Toothpicks

Alf

Yaz-"situation"

"We are the World"

Valley Girls-"Gag me with a spoon"

Staying up late for Friday Night Videos

Galaga

Shoulder Pads

"What you talking about Willis?"

Wax animals from the zoo

Tube socks with color rings around your calf

Monchichi

Banana clips

This is a quick list....what do YOU remember.  Let me know and I will post it in the next entry.  I'd LOVE some creative, forgotten items....I'm ready for some serious comments...

Car Models

Have you ever stopped to really think about the model names of cars?  Well, I have and many of them are absurd.  The sad thing is that most of the lame names are cars that I really like!  This isn't a jab at the cars themselves, just the ridiculous names they have been given.   This post is mostly focusing on models, but I just have to ask......Saturn?  Why name a car after a planet?  And of all planets, the one with the rings???   I just don't understand.  But models are a whole different story......Take for instance the Ford Mustang.  This car has been around forever, but why a mustang?  A mustang isn't exactly a strong or fast horse.  If they wanted a bold and strong horse name, why not Clydesdale, or Arabian.  Now that would make more sense.
And what about the Chevrolet Avalanche?  Isn't an avalanche a bad thing?  Call me crazy.
How about the Buick Lacrosse?  OOOoohh, a Lacrosse, how about the "Cricket" or the "Croquet"...same idea.
Mitsubishi Mirage....Is it really a car, or is it not?  what is it?
Cadillac Escalade, is that short for an escalator?  I don't understand that one.  Especially when you pay the price of a nice home just to own one.
Subaru Brat.  Really, is this some kind of a joke?  Can you just imagine CEO's sitting around a table in a boardroom and deciding that "brat" was a good name for a CAR?  (I'm shaking my head)
Dodge Caravan- was this car named after camels?  Isn't that how camels travel trough the desert with their nomadic owners?  In a Caravan?  They WISH their Caravan was the Dodge variety!
Chrysler Sebring--Isn't that the stuff you wash your face with at night?  come on people-there are some seriously good names out there for cars...Let's use them!
OK, now Volkswagon has a whole slew of models that are just ridiculous....The Golf, the Beetle, the Tiguan...and of course the Rabbit.  Ya, I want a care named after a bunny!
Dodge has another good one... the Neon----come on, Neon?  Makes you wonder what colors this car comes in... 
Ford Fiesta-----you would think these are only sold in Mexico-nope!
Isuzu Rodeo--this is a little odd you've got to admit, I would think anything named after a rodeo would at least be a TRUCK!
And my favorite is the Toyota Sequoia.....who thought it would be a good idea to name a car after a cactus?


This is just a sampling of the cars that pop into my mind right off the bat.  I'm sure there will be an addendum at some point.
If you own any of these models of cars, please don't take this personally.  As I said before, they are simply ridiculous names.  I am not attacking anybody personally or their cars for that matter.  This is all in fun.  We can all still be friends.  It just so happens that my sisters both own one of the more ridiculous names......hmmmmm-so sorry!

Symphony Pretenders

I'm sure that by now you have all heard the news.  The Utah Symphony has a new conductor-Terry Fischer.  He's from Switzerland (not Ireland) and I've heard he is fabulous.  Blah, blah, blah, blah.  I'm sorry if this offends any of you, but I truly believe that people who "pretend" to like the symphony are just making it up to appear "cultural".  It's like the cool thing to go out on the town on a date to the symphony.  You can't tell me that after 2 hours of hearing violins and cellos, you want an encore.  One sugar plum fairy song each Christmas is more than enough for me.  This may appear to be negative, but it is honestly not.  Why is it such a big deal to wave a little wand around in the air?  You can't tell me that if he accidentally waved his wand left instead of to the right, the song would sound differently.  I DON"T THINK SO!  Don't get me wrong.  If somebody enjoys playing a stringed instrument, that is awesome.  But do it in the comfort of your own home.  Very few people can actually make a living playing a stringed instrument.  Take for instance Kenny G (oh wait, that's not stringed).  OK, how about...hmmm, I can't think of any. Well of course, there is always Itzhak Perlman, the Israeli-American virtuoso who plays his stradivarius violin, but woohoo.


Woah, wait a minute, I am not including the stringed instrument called the guitar, or the BANJO.  Now that's an instrument!  Oh no!  That doesn't count.  I'm talking violins, violas, cellos---you get the point--Symphony instruments.  I like to think of them as "whiney" instruments."


You know, looking back, I think my feeling about the symphony all goes back to the 4th grade.  It all began when we had to wear a dress-yuck!  And then we were bused to Hillcrest High School to see the cultural presentation of the symphony.  Being very bored and uncomfortable, I decided to make the event more entertaining by putting my fingers in my ears and jiggling them back and forth real fast so it made the symphony actually sound really cool!  That made it totally bearable until Ms. Turner (who wasn't even my teacher) came up and yanked my arm and me out of my seat and took me out into the foyer.  She may have thought this to be a punishment- IT WASN'T!  Yipee, I was out of the concert!  This just proves that it is an innate feeling to dislike the symphony.  I just truly believe the symphony supporters of the world are all pretenders!
Maybe the first clue should be the word itself.  It sounds an awful lot like "sympathy".  I'm just sayin'.

Check Out Etiquette 101

The more I think about it, the more I realize there needs to be a set of common courtesy rules that should be posted at every check out location.  Perhaps it could read as follows:

1. Do not leave your place in line if you're checking out to go back and grab something you forgot.  It's not fun to stand there and look down every aisle hoping you will really return within a reasonable amount of time.
2.  Don't drag out a coupon you forgot to use after your items have been totalled and the clerk has to re-ring every purchase.  Just save that 35 cents for your next shopping experience.
3. Don't second guess every price that has been entered asking, "Did that come up as the sale price?"  (I've NEVER done that....)  The cash register is pretty smart.
4. Make sure you use a "working" credit card, aka one that has some money left on it.  Randomly throwing out cards and saying "Try this one" is so obnoxious.
5.  ALWAYS HAVE YOUR CHECK READY TO GO.  You know where you are, so fill out the freaking name of the store, and you can go ahead and sign your name ahead of time, it's all legal I promise, and then ever so quickly fill in the amount.
6.  Leave your check out spot immediately.  Do not take your time recording the check, or trying to neatly place change in your wallet. Or try to tell the clerk a cute story before you leave. Or going over every item on the receipt to make sure it is all correct.  Just leave that "golden spot" so someone else can have fun and they don't have to try and write out a check on the rotating grocery counter behind you.
7.  Just because it looks like you don't have that many items, do not try and push it with 15 or 40 going through the "10 items and Under" lane.  I think you're safe with a dozen eggs counting as one item, and maybe a bunch of bananas , but don't take advantage of the one saving grace of a grocery store when you're in a hurry. Perhaps we could say, "If it doesn't fit in a carry basket and you have a shopping cart go to a regular lane."  The clerks are just as nice in the regular lanes.
8.  If you see white liquid or yellow yolks in your cart, you may have a leaky item.  Perhaps you could check those type of products before you put them in the cart.  It's fun to wait while dense teenage employee has to go find a replacement and acts as though they have never seen the inside of the store before.

Well, that covers it for now.  Please feel free to add your own rules, as I'm sure there are some I've left out.  I'll go ahead and get those copied at Kinkos and maybe some of you can help me deliver them to every store in Utah.

Thanks.

Mom

Impatience Personified

I just wanted to share an experience that I'm sure many of you have had before, but this one topped the cake.  As I was "patiently" standing in line at Rite Aid there is a very aged, frail and senile lady in front of me who is buying a carton of cigarettes, laxatives and Tylenol PM.  I knew I was in for a treat as she had everything in her purse spread out like she was planning on staying the weekend.  There are three of four people behind me who are transfixed on her incredible slow-motion actions, as she was looking for a check LONG after the purchases had been entered and ready to go in a nice sack.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she produces a check that is folded the size of the postage stamp.  She asks the clerk, very slowly, for a pen and proceeds to write out the amount, not remembering the name of the store, date, amount or where to sign.  The clerk rolls her eyes at me and I roll mine back and FINALLY after 15 minutes we get a check ready to insert in the cash register, but not before the clerk says, "I'm not sure this check will work because it is folded so tightly it won't go in the machine."  She tries 20 or 30 times, and the old lady just sits there browsing through her purse receipts and pushing back her blonde/gray bob over and over.  I am seriously thinking I really can't endure this much longer as I'm starting to sweat and am leaning on my elbows on the counter acting as disgusted as I possibly can..  Over and over the machine rejects the mutilated check and then wonder of wonders, it takes it and she can leave!  But no, she does not leave.  She is here to stay.  She proceeds to open the carton of cigarettes and tries to fit them in her purse, ever so slowly one at a time.  The clerk is trying to push her things to the end, but she will not budge.  There are alot of packs in those cartons, by darn, and they won't fit in an ordinary purse let me tell you!  So the clerks throws away the empty carton and then the sweet little thing opens the carton of Tylenol and is trying to get the lid off, and reading the instructions at the same time.  STILL STANDING IN THE CHECK OUT SPOT.  The clerk has already started ringing up my few items and I've got my card ready to swipe but I can't make my way to the card machine because Grandma is in the way, and she's not leaving anytime soon.  Then, I know you think I'm kidding, she gets two Tylenol out and asks if she could get a drink of water.  I kid you not.  So I finally have to physically put my hip into her side and say "Excuse Me I need to get to the card machine."  She is oblivious and continues to look for a drink.  I fly out of there and gasp as the fresh air hits me through the open doors.  I am free!  But the old lady is still back there going through her purse.

I know I have a real shortage of patience, and freely admit I should have probably helped her with the damn cigarettes, and the lid, but I was too busy having an anxiety attack to recognize the need.  If I ever write a check, and I do occasionally much to the chagrin of my family, I am writing on the wire rim of a magazine rack two people back so my check is ready to go the moment I get the total.  No one will EVER have to wait for me!!!  And if I ever get that crazy, I hope someone rational would accompany into a public place to make sure the whole store is not put in a holding pattern for 45 minutes.

Whew, my hands are getting sweaty just thinking about it. I guess I should be grateful we never had to get into the laxatives. The thoughts of her getting in a car a driving away bring real fear into my heart, but I shouldn't worry...she's probably still standing by the car looking for her keys.

Mom

Competition

I think I deserve a little credit here.  I have been an inspiration to many, but I don't think you have realized it.  I know for a fact that I have inspired a few people to start updating their blogs more regularly.  I even feel partly responsible for the beginning of a new blog!  Recently, I have noticed the Kelly and Bean have been updating their blogs.  And for those of you who don't know, even Tommy started his own blog.  So, yes, I can hear you applauding...thank you, thank you very much!
I am a little concerned, however.  I just read Beans blog and it's REALLY funny.  Her entry today is pretty hard to top.  It is just so true.  I highly recommend you all read it.  I feel a little competition here.  But I'll be honest.  I'm not going to worry.  I'm going to keep letting you all know the concerns and quandries that arise in my little brain.  And with the other half of our team....WOW!  You all need to watch out.  We have some incredible rumblings and ideas just waiting to be posted.  
Like, why aren't the dinosaurs in the scriptures?  Just a little question I've always had.  You never hear about Nephi finding a Stegosaurus bone while he's pitching his tent.  It's just something I've always wondered.  
Like, does the air inside your tires move as your driving down the road, or does the tire just rotate around air.  Come on, admit it....you've wondered these things too!
I can't wait to hear what Jac has to say.  She always seems to pull something out when it's least expected.  Go Jac, I'm counting on you.
Sometimes the wanderings in my head are funny, sometimes they are heartbreaking, sometimes they are life changing and sometimes they are just plain intellectual. 
 Consider yourself lucky to have an inside look.  It's good!  Oh yes,  It's good, and only getting better.

Just not creative today

I apologize, but I'm just not feeling very creative or typey today.  I don't have anything wonderful to share. I think the whole Ice Skating topic got me so worked up, that my creative and sharing juices are spent for the day.  But, I think that probably means the next entry will be extra fun!

Check back tonight (or tomorrow) for a barrel of fun and laughs!

I'm not sure why I chose Oscar, I'm not grouchy.....just not creative!

One more thing (about Ice Skating!)

I have been thinking about yesterday's Ice Skating blog entry and have pondered a few more things in my mind about the silliness of this whole idea.  So to pick up from yesterday's musings....These guys all decided to name jumps and turns, but which one of them decided that they should judge one another?  Which one said, "gee Ulrich, your Lutz loooked a little better than Genevieve's Lutz.  Tonight after supper, let's all meet back here at the frozen pond and rate each other's jumps."  And after a few years of judging each other, did they say, "Hey, I've got a fiddle, why don't we do a number to the tune of my fiddle."  So did they have so much fun skating to the music of the fiddle, that they started rehearsing routines to the old fashioned "jugband" music of the times?
And then the whole town gathered in the townsquare to watch the ice skaters skate to the music of the fiddle.  Eventually judges were assigned to score the routines.  And at what point did they decide it was a good idea to wear a leotard on ice?  It's all just so absurd.
I'm sure that the ancient Greek people never intended this "sport" to be part of their elite olympic games. They'd be embarrassed I'm sure.
All I'm asking is how did this all begin?  I don't think it just started in the recent past.  I'm sure that it had to begin somewhere on a frozen pond in a scandinavian country....in the land of Sinter Klaas.
OK, I'm done with the Ice Skating thing.  I think I've made my point.  I think you all get it.

Ice Skating

As many of you know, tonight was the long awaited US Womens Figure Skating Championships.  It's no secret that ice skating (or figure skating) is not my favorite winter sport, so it is true that I am a little antagonistic toward the sport.  As I tried to quickly find the remote to change the channel, the thought occured to me:  Many years ago, who was walking on a frozen pond and thought to themselves, "I think I will fashion a metal blade that I can strap on to my shoes (or boots) and wobble on the ice instead of walking or sliding".  OK, so that was a bone-headed idea.  So the guy has his metal strapped onto his boot and a friend says, "I think I will try that too.  It looks really wobbly and hard on your ankles".  After time goes by, a larger number of people have a hunk of metal of their boots so they can "SKATE" on the ice.  So for years, people are wobbling in their homemade boots made from the skin of the cow that they had for dinner that night.  They attach a metal blade to the bottom that they have fashioned using the hammer and anvil that they use to form their horseshoes in their stables.  Then they use an old piece of rope to strap it onto the boot.  I'm sure it wasn't a real sturdy ride!  Soooooo,  one day, one old man says, " this is getting boring, I think I will try to do a spin."  Not to be outdone, his friend says "I will do a jump!".  I am sure they both broke a limb, or sprained something, so the next year when the pond was frozen over, they tried again.  This time they decided to give them names.  "I am going to do a spin and call this one a 'lutz'."  The friend says, "I am going to do a jump that better than that, I will take off going backwards, and call it an 'axel'."  Then Mr. Ulrich Salcow has gathering his cows to be milked when he saw the two men and joined in creating another jump that he named after himself, the 'salcow'.  And I guess you could say the rest is history.  As we all know, many years later, this man had a great-great-great-great grandson who was a very small man named Scotty Hamilton.  He followed in his ancestors 'skate'steps and continued that tradition of what is known to day as 'figure skating'.  

I don't know about you, but I just wonder how boring it must have been back in the old days that somebody actually thought to put a hunk of metal on their boots and it could evolve into something that is so freaking weird.  It's one thing to dance, but to dance on ice?  I don't know....it's just odd to me.

Don't get me wrong, in the 7th-9th grade, I was a BIG fan of the ice skating!  Thank goodness for ice skating, or I wouldn't have had my PE credits! (and my paper route to help pay for the ice skating!).  Just another perk of being the oldest--I got to pay for my own ice skating gym class!!!

That's the way I see it!

(notice the title of this image..."The Timid Pupil"---well off course she's timid, it's freaking idiotic!)

A Follow-Up

Good grief, I was getting all cozy in my bed when I realized I hadn't updated the blog.  Geesh, I guess I will post a follow-up about yesterdays blog.  The more I thought about it, the more it bothered me.  Why on earth would an ad for ADVAIR, a bronchodilator, for the treatment of C.O.P.D.  advertise the wondrous moment of being able to breathe again taking place at a ZOO??  Of all places that you probably wouldn't want to breath the 'fresh' air, it is the ZOO!  I just happened to find it a little amusing that they couldn't have used a beautiful park, a mountain setting, or even a laundry detergent factory to show the wondrous moment of having your lungs expanding properly to take in the air around you.  Maybe ADVAIR needs to rethink their advertising strategy.  Or better yet, hire a new advertisement professional....hmmm, maybe they just need me!  I have all the answers!

What is the purpose?

As I sit here watching the local nightly news,  a commercial caught my eye.  It was an advertisement for ADVAIR.  It's a bronchodialator to help you breathe better.  It portrays a grandpa at the zoo with his grandchildren having so much fun because he is able to breathe freely.  Thanks to ADVAIR.  It showed a group of 3 giraffes.  I guess you could say they are beautiful animals.  Don't get me wrong, I've always quite liked giraffes.  They fascinate me,  I always imagine what an x-ray of their neck must look like.  To be honest, they are one of the best displays at the zoo (after the polar bears) because their display isn't stinky.  It's outside (If the giraffes are outside).  And a blue tongue, I mean that is absolutely intriguing.  But, what is the purpose of giraffes?  They are neither a  hunter or a hunted.  So I think back to science class and imagine the food chain.  Where do they fit?  Something tells me they don't get rid of unwanted pests.  They aren't the main course for the lions, (That's the wildebeests).  They aren't a main course for anything, and all they eat is grass.  Don't the zebras take care of that?  And what are those two little nobby things on top of their heads?  Hey-maybe they are aliens from another planet.   Maybe they've just been biding their time until somebody noticed that they really have no purpose and have been spying this whole time.  They have been dreading the day that  some brilliant woman (me) would come along and have this realization.  That's what the nubbins are all about!  I just don't understand giraffes.  I'm sure Heavenly Father has a plan for them, (if they really are from this planet), but for here......I guess they are just abnormally long necked animals that look really awkward when they run.  I almost hate to see footage of a running giraffe, something about it is embarrassing.  Or better yet, have you seen them 'stoop' down to take a drink?  Something about it reminds me of peeing in the woods at girl's camp....AWKWARD.  I can't say why, it just is to me.

Gosh, now I feel kind of bad about feeling like giraffes have no purpose.  I really do think they are quite majestic animals, but I guess I am just misinformed.  If anyone can offer any insight to the purpose of giraffes, I would love to hear it.  That's the way I see it!

Cultural Calamity

You know, I've tried as a mother and mentor to provide my children with good, enriching cultural experiences.  We've enjoyed plays at the Hale Theater, trips to the museum, (well, maybe not so much....) an occasional Kurt Bestor concert, a Nutcracker matinee or two, but today I realized our future is bleak when it comes to going to see a Broadway play in Salt Lake City.  As you may have heard, The Lion King is coming to the big city in August, and a couple of us at the office were looking into the cost of tickets, and they range...get this....from back row on the balcony $195 per ticket, to $295 on the floor.  REALLY???  Is there not a recession going on?  Is it just me or does anyone else think that's a little outlandish? A mere $1200 for three of us?  Terri, Fred and I saw that same play in New York on the 6th row and it cost us $150 per ticket which seemed outrageous but one of those impulsive things we knew we just had to do at the time.  And the play was worthy every penny!!  IN NEW YORK!

So I'm sorry girls, but unless I get a really big promotion as Administrator of LDS Hospital, or there's a  $10,000 life insurance policy we don't know about out there, we are out of luck.  Marne' said I couldn't FORCE her to go anyway, so she's relieved.  But I would have so loved to take you guys to see it.

It makes me realize Jerry had to probably sell a kidney to get us into Wicked.  Good grief.  You would think they would make it affordable to have a little culture in our lives.  So, maybe we can plan a fun day at the Planetarium instead...or a video from Red Box.  Think about it.

Disappointed Mom

What's the difference?

What's the difference between a college and a university?  Does anybody really know?   In my humble opinion, a university is better.  A college just sounds dumb.  Think of the big schools...They aren't called Harvard College, or Yale College, or Brigham Young College, the College of Utah.  No, that's just lame.  The dumb schools have College in their name, like the College of Eastern Utah.  Is that even a real school?  Salt Lake Community College.  Do you get my point?  College of Massage Therapy.....ok, ok, ok. I think you get my point.  Wait, I just thought of Westminster College....that's not a dumb school.  Hmmmm, maybe my point has a flaw.   No, that's just the exception to the rule.
That's another thing.  Who ever thought of "Exception to the rule".  That just doesn't make sense.  If a rule has an exception, than it's just not officially a rule.  A rule is absolute.  In my opinion.  Hmmmm.


One last thing, I'd like to honor my favorite poet.  Today is his birthday. He was a handsome fella.  May his soul rest in peace....Edgar Allan Poe.  Poe guy, he had a rough life.  Ba ha ha ha my favorite poet...ha ha ha, that's like saying I have a favorite ballerina, or rest in peace Tchaikowsky, you are my most favorite composer, (I'm assuming he's dead!)  Ya right! LOL
Just some points to ponder.

Earthquakes and other Seismic Events

I decided I needed to do my share of being an official Crazy Lady and give Marne' a little rest from her duties as the official poster.  She has been doing a great job and even though she thought I was mad at her today, I was NOT mad and was laughing with Cynthia at work who thinks our family is the most clever, funny people in the world, which we truly are.  Marne's comments were right on the money and I might add that I'm kind of proud that I do have all the answers to the world's problems and am just waiting for someone to recognize this wisdom and life experience and that I might be able to counsel and advise if given the chance.
I certainly appreciated the sarcastic comments that were made and will remember them at birthdays and Christmas.
That said, we are on to the subject of earthquakes.  A fun topic.  So, my mom used to tell me that if an earthquake ever happened on "our" faultline, (meaning the one that runs along the Wasatch front), we wouldn't have to worry because we would get an initial jolt and some people might die if they fell in the crack of the faultline, but the real damage was going to the whiplash effect that the people on the west side would get.  I don't know how I feel about this theory and have wondered how Mom came up with the idea, considering I don't remember her taking any seismic geography classes.  But I think she was trying to make us not worry about it because I have always had a real fear of earthquakes.  I remember being on the top floor of the old Liberty Elementary School in Murray, the sixth grade, Mr. Hutchinson was my teacher and made us put gum on our nose if we were caught chewing it.  But I digress...we had a strong earthquake while I was at school and he yelled for us to crawl under our desks and big pieces of plaster was falling from the 200 year old ceiling onto our desks.  It was terrifying! It seemed like it was shaking forever. I remember walking the 30 feet home from school and just having this sick feeling knowing we were all going to die.  Probably that very night when it returned.
So I think the moral of the story is that we are all going to be okay when the "Big One" hits because we all live on the east side!!  But maybe just to play it safe, we could all invest in the honing devices the skiers wear when they get caught in avalanches.  Better yet, maybe we could all put our heads together and invent a "Quake Saver" device that would alert authorities and sniffing dogs where we might be located in the event we are down in the storage room looking through the craft box when it hits.
Just a thought.  Nothing to worry about ....ha,ha.  I think they said "anytime in the next 50 years".  We're all be exalted by then!

See, isn't it fun when I post?
Mom

I'm sorry..

I posted a blog entry last night as I was obviously tired and not considering Jacs feelings.  I need to apologize for being so flippant about what I said.  I have deleted that entry and feel bad that it may have offended her.  Lets just all try to forget that the last entry ever happened.  It's all just a fleeting memory now!
I love my mom and really don't ever intend to upset her.  I'm sorry...

Whip it!

I just have three words.....whip it good!  I don't know about you, but I had a great time tonight!  Thanks to the Highland folks for bringing their Band Hero.  We were all able to take our candle out from under the bushel and show our amazing talents.  A little Tasty China, a little birthday celebration, a little Key Lime Pie, and a little Band Hero....everyone got into the act---including No-No and Lizzy.  Let's not forget the hearty vocals by Damma and Yuss!  A good time was had by all.

A Lame Blog Entry

As I lay here tonight, unsure what to blog about, I have suspender wearing Larry King Live on in the background.  My scanner is also scanning and reporting on the happenings around the valley.  I am racking my brain about what to blog about when I glanced up at the TV screen and saw "Haiti is in a dire situation" flashing across the bottom of the screen.  That reminded me of a funny thing that happened to me in elementary school.  One of my teachers, I believe it was Mrs. Embley, once told us that during a test, nobody could use the hall pass unless it was a "dire" situation.  Being a young girl, I had never heard that word and not wanting to seem dumb and ask.....I just assumed that is was short for diarrhea.  So I just assumed you couldn't take the hall pass unless you had diarrhea.  Now every time I hear that word, I think of a situation that is so bad that you have diarrhea.  I know it's gross, but it's true!
I apologize for having to stoop to such a low level for a blog topic, but its a rarity....I promise.  
Here's hoping that none of our blog readers have a 'dire' situation!

Contact Lenses

This is something I often think about each night as I take out my disposable contacts.  When you wear disposable contacts, the doctor tells you that you should replace them every two weeks.  That is just a ploy to make you spend more money on contacts.  All contact wearers know that you can get a good month out of them before it's time to toss them.
Each month as I throw out a well worn pair of contacts, I wonder if that pair had a good 'life'.  You know...what did this pair see.  Did it see any good movies, or exciting breaking news?  Did it witness the nieces and nephews doing adorable things?  Or maybe that pair really got a bum deal....maybe that pair saw tears, or were unfortunate to have been worn during allergy season.  On the flip side, when it's time to break out a new pair of contacts, I wonder to myself....."I wonder what kind of things this pair will see.'  I'm sure as they are pulled out of the box, they are EXCITED.  They say goodbye to their friends left behind in the box and embark on their month long life.  You see, my contacts are more lucky than most because they get worn for a full month....not the recommended 2 weeks.  I'm sure at the Johnson & Johnson ACUVUE factory, the newly formed contacts know about me.....the lady who wears her contacts for a whole month.  They dream of being worn in my eyes.  
So for those lucky contacts I try to make life good for them.  I don't wear them through the night, oh no...I take them out and let them rest through the night.  Soaking in a nice cleansing bath.  Then every morning, embark on a new adventure---who knows what this lucky pair will see throughout the month.
I guess like life, some contacts are just more fortunate than others.....

"Food" for thought.....

I just had a lovely conversation with my middle sister and we were discussing our Sunday dinner.  She mentioned a dish that should be made in a Crock Pot.  Crock Pot....What a stupid name.  Who was cooking one day and decided they should make a new appliance and call it a Crock Pot?  I mean have you ever thought as you lay in bed at night thinking of new ways to make a buck and in your mind you come up with the one invention that is going to make you millions and think, "I'll make a pot that plugs into an outlet......and i'll make it out of pottery, and I'll decorate it with a lovely flower pattern and hmmmmm, I'll call it a "CROCK POT""  I have just never really thought about it when we have used a Crock Pot.  It's just crazy.......the whole idea of plugging in pottery, and of all things calling it a "Crock Pot".  Come on, who is supposed to take this seriously.  "Hi Honey, I've cooked you a scrumptious Crock Pot meal tonight".


I think a better name would have been an electric pot.  After all, we have an electric skillet, an electric frying pan, an electric griddle.  We don't call them a Crock Skillet, or a Crock Frying Pan, or a Crock Griddle.  I really hope I don't get it mixed up with my Croc Boots, or my Croc Handbag.  In my opinion, we should all stop using "Crock Pots" until they can come up with a better name.  After all, a Crock Pot started a house on fire last week in Layton.....I'm just sayin'.....

Headlines

So I am trying to keep everyone happy by blogging daily.  Today I had absolutely NO topic!  So I decided to go to the headline of KSL.COM and blog about that headline.  No matter what it might be.  Here it is:

Radiation expert blasts EnergySolutions for misleading public

Let's explore this headline.  First of all...Radiation expert.  That kind of seems a little oxy-moron-ish.  If you are an expert on radiation, wouldn't you have like 3 arms, no ears and 1 eye?  I thought radiation was bad.....kind of like carbon monoxide, you can't smell it or see it, but it's there...oh it's there all right.  Moving on......EnergySolutions.  Isn't that where the Utah Jazz play basketball?  So an alien-looking too much exposure to radiation expert is blasting the Utah Jazz arena for misleading the public.  Misleading the public.  Let's get real.  The only event that ever occurs in our world today that doesn't somehow mislead the public would probably be... hmmm, let's see, I can't think of anything.  Hey--How about General Conference.  Never misleading---right??  Ok, so let's review.  Alien, Utah Jazz, General Conference.  Without reading the entire article, because who has time for that.  We can assume that this article involved a deformed expert who is mad at the Utah Jazz arena and probably the players too (honestly who in this state isn't mad at the whole organization?)  because they didn't speak at General Conference which would have made any statements they might have made not misleading.

There you have it.  The headlines at 11:30 pm Tuesday, January 12, 2010 in Salt Lake City UT on KSL.com.

Please feel free to quote me.

Be Aware

This is a caution... a word of warning.  If by chance any of you are ever in the market for a new mattress, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT step into a Select Comfort store.  What is a Select Comfort store you ask....Let me make this a little more clear.  SLEEP NUMBER!  Now do you understand?  It's called a Sleep Number bed.  Personally I thought they sounded like an answer to prayers.  I come from the waterbed era and dreaded the day I would have to sleep on a "real" mattress.  When the unfortunate event of the mold occurred (that's a whole other blog entry),  dad was adamant that I branch out into the world of mattresses.  I needed something to form to my body, envelop me if you will.  No Serta or Beautyrest was going to do that for sure.  So I considered the Sleep Number.  It sounded perfect.  I made the trip to the mall (that should have been the first warning sign right there......who sells mattresses in a mall?).  It was honestly quite embarrassing.  The whole mall can walk by and see you testing out the mattress.  The ladies at Claires boutique have a birds eye view into your awkward testing of the mattress.  You can't just lay on the bed and try it out- oh no!  There's a 5 step process to be introduced to the new technology of the Sleep Number.  First you fill out a short simple form that seems harmless. (wrong!)  Second you have to see advanced mechanics of the bed.  You see the "flat" version (uninflated)  It looks just like a Coleman air mattress.  Then you see how easy it is to set up.  (Of course it's easy, it's an air mattress.  It's virtually weightless.)  Then you are shown the cutting edge method of automatically pumping air into the mattress.  You pick a number and it inflates.  Finally, you get to test it out.  If it is too hard, you lower your number.  If it's too soft, you raise your number!  It's not rocket science!  I was a 40!  I swear that you could recreate this bed with a couple of items from Walmart.  A Coleman air mattress, a air pump that is electric, and voila......Sleep Number Bed! 
It honestly wasn't uncomfortable, just extremely expensive.  I left the store telling the knowledgeable sales clerk that I would be back after I decided if this is what I wanted to do.  End of story??? NO!
For the next 5 years, I have continued to get Select Comfort adds in the mail.  "Are you still in the market for a new mattress???"  Uh, yes, it's been 5 years and I'm still looking for that elusive perfect mattress.  Give me a break.  I'm sure that when I am dead and gone, Canyon or Coleman will be receiving my mail that asks if MJ is still in the market for a new mattress.  Poor kids.  Just tell them no!  I found a killer mattress at RC Willey that's so soft I look like a taco when I sleep.
The moral of this story is that even if you are tempted to step into that store.......don't do it.  It's like smoking Heroin.  It only takes one time and you are ensnared for life.  Trust me, I've been there and well, I still am! 

The Last Days

I'm just crossing my fingers that somebody out there is still reading this blog.  I don't have a very good feeling about it, but I'm giving it my all.


Something happened today that deserves mentioning.  I'm really not sure how to say this, just make sure you are sitting down.  Make sure you all have your affairs in order.  Be sure you have your food storage ready and updated.  Make sure you have a plentiful supply of water because this truly is a sign of the last days.


Jac went to choir practice......with Terri!


Yes it is true.  I coudn't have been prouder.  There they were up in the stadium seats in the chapel.  First there was the warm-up.  La, la la la la la.........La la la la la la la.  Then there was the division of the altos and sopranos (they are both alto's).  Then there was the passing out of the sheet music.   (they both remembered how to read it!).  Then there was the glorious music-----Minima and Grandad are so proud! Now we are just waiting to see if they can actually get through a performance without ruining it with their uncontrollable laughter.  You go girls!  I'll be your biggest fan------sitting in the audience!  (I'll even stop doing my sudoku puzzle during your performace!)  I'll be clapping inside I am sure.

Give me a puptent...

Give me a puptent, give me some wood.
Give me an old brown bag, and a bucket of wood.
Give me a campfire,
and a little bit of wood.
That's all I need, to get by when I'm out in the
Need, to get by when I'm out in the ,
need, to get by when I'm out in the rough
rough
rough!

Please give us another chance...

I am sitting here watching the Jazz make an incredible comeback in their game and my sisters are giving me and Jac so much crap for not updating this damn blog.  Do they work fulltime and take care of their aging mother?  Do they take care of their daughter who has NEVER left home?  Do they have presidency, or commitee, or welfare meetings almost every day??  Do they have to take care of a little puppy who is in the process of being trained?  CRIMINY!!  Ok, we will try harder.  I promise.  Give us a break----please.  Please don't stop reading our blog.  We will make it funny again.  If you don't read our blog, then who will?  Give us one more chance..........please  :(