Impatience Personified

I just wanted to share an experience that I'm sure many of you have had before, but this one topped the cake.  As I was "patiently" standing in line at Rite Aid there is a very aged, frail and senile lady in front of me who is buying a carton of cigarettes, laxatives and Tylenol PM.  I knew I was in for a treat as she had everything in her purse spread out like she was planning on staying the weekend.  There are three of four people behind me who are transfixed on her incredible slow-motion actions, as she was looking for a check LONG after the purchases had been entered and ready to go in a nice sack.  Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she produces a check that is folded the size of the postage stamp.  She asks the clerk, very slowly, for a pen and proceeds to write out the amount, not remembering the name of the store, date, amount or where to sign.  The clerk rolls her eyes at me and I roll mine back and FINALLY after 15 minutes we get a check ready to insert in the cash register, but not before the clerk says, "I'm not sure this check will work because it is folded so tightly it won't go in the machine."  She tries 20 or 30 times, and the old lady just sits there browsing through her purse receipts and pushing back her blonde/gray bob over and over.  I am seriously thinking I really can't endure this much longer as I'm starting to sweat and am leaning on my elbows on the counter acting as disgusted as I possibly can..  Over and over the machine rejects the mutilated check and then wonder of wonders, it takes it and she can leave!  But no, she does not leave.  She is here to stay.  She proceeds to open the carton of cigarettes and tries to fit them in her purse, ever so slowly one at a time.  The clerk is trying to push her things to the end, but she will not budge.  There are alot of packs in those cartons, by darn, and they won't fit in an ordinary purse let me tell you!  So the clerks throws away the empty carton and then the sweet little thing opens the carton of Tylenol and is trying to get the lid off, and reading the instructions at the same time.  STILL STANDING IN THE CHECK OUT SPOT.  The clerk has already started ringing up my few items and I've got my card ready to swipe but I can't make my way to the card machine because Grandma is in the way, and she's not leaving anytime soon.  Then, I know you think I'm kidding, she gets two Tylenol out and asks if she could get a drink of water.  I kid you not.  So I finally have to physically put my hip into her side and say "Excuse Me I need to get to the card machine."  She is oblivious and continues to look for a drink.  I fly out of there and gasp as the fresh air hits me through the open doors.  I am free!  But the old lady is still back there going through her purse.

I know I have a real shortage of patience, and freely admit I should have probably helped her with the damn cigarettes, and the lid, but I was too busy having an anxiety attack to recognize the need.  If I ever write a check, and I do occasionally much to the chagrin of my family, I am writing on the wire rim of a magazine rack two people back so my check is ready to go the moment I get the total.  No one will EVER have to wait for me!!!  And if I ever get that crazy, I hope someone rational would accompany into a public place to make sure the whole store is not put in a holding pattern for 45 minutes.

Whew, my hands are getting sweaty just thinking about it. I guess I should be grateful we never had to get into the laxatives. The thoughts of her getting in a car a driving away bring real fear into my heart, but I shouldn't worry...she's probably still standing by the car looking for her keys.

Mom