Symphony Pretenders

I'm sure that by now you have all heard the news.  The Utah Symphony has a new conductor-Terry Fischer.  He's from Switzerland (not Ireland) and I've heard he is fabulous.  Blah, blah, blah, blah.  I'm sorry if this offends any of you, but I truly believe that people who "pretend" to like the symphony are just making it up to appear "cultural".  It's like the cool thing to go out on the town on a date to the symphony.  You can't tell me that after 2 hours of hearing violins and cellos, you want an encore.  One sugar plum fairy song each Christmas is more than enough for me.  This may appear to be negative, but it is honestly not.  Why is it such a big deal to wave a little wand around in the air?  You can't tell me that if he accidentally waved his wand left instead of to the right, the song would sound differently.  I DON"T THINK SO!  Don't get me wrong.  If somebody enjoys playing a stringed instrument, that is awesome.  But do it in the comfort of your own home.  Very few people can actually make a living playing a stringed instrument.  Take for instance Kenny G (oh wait, that's not stringed).  OK, how about...hmmm, I can't think of any. Well of course, there is always Itzhak Perlman, the Israeli-American virtuoso who plays his stradivarius violin, but woohoo.


Woah, wait a minute, I am not including the stringed instrument called the guitar, or the BANJO.  Now that's an instrument!  Oh no!  That doesn't count.  I'm talking violins, violas, cellos---you get the point--Symphony instruments.  I like to think of them as "whiney" instruments."


You know, looking back, I think my feeling about the symphony all goes back to the 4th grade.  It all began when we had to wear a dress-yuck!  And then we were bused to Hillcrest High School to see the cultural presentation of the symphony.  Being very bored and uncomfortable, I decided to make the event more entertaining by putting my fingers in my ears and jiggling them back and forth real fast so it made the symphony actually sound really cool!  That made it totally bearable until Ms. Turner (who wasn't even my teacher) came up and yanked my arm and me out of my seat and took me out into the foyer.  She may have thought this to be a punishment- IT WASN'T!  Yipee, I was out of the concert!  This just proves that it is an innate feeling to dislike the symphony.  I just truly believe the symphony supporters of the world are all pretenders!
Maybe the first clue should be the word itself.  It sounds an awful lot like "sympathy".  I'm just sayin'.