A Lesson Learned

Saturday is a special day, it's the day we get ready for Sunday.  Get little things done, run errands, take a "cat" nap, run to the grocery store.  It's a day that I didn't get 'totally' ready, knowing I would be outside part the day delivering shower invitations.  After which I did a little work and laid down for a quick rest.....which resulted in smooshed hair.  Tomorrow being the Super Bowl, I wanted to get a few goodies from the grocery store, in particular some Mango Peach Salsa...mmmmmmmm!  My favorite store, Reams, doesn't carry this delicacy, so I relented and traveled to the much dreaded store up the road-Smiths.  It is impossible to walk in that store and not see 2-3 people who are either in the ward now, or were in the ward of a past life (30 years ago!).  I guess this is just one of the bonuses of living your entire life within a 2 mile radius.
As you know, our ward was just split and I know about 10% of the peoples names.  Sooooo not to disappoint, I hadn't even entered the store and saw some new ward members.  I have NO clue what their names are, but I said hello.  Phew, I thought.  I got that out of the way in a hurry!  Now off to find my salsa.  But oh no, I was just getting started.  First I saw a lady in the produce section who I have no idea what her name is, but that her husband was the bishop of the ward we combined with, so I just know it is "Sister Smith".  Luckily I was in the produce section.  That's not embarrassing.  It's healthy and I tried to look interested and knowledgeable about the assorted natural foods.  Ah yes, celery, I need celery.  Check.  Moving along to milk.  1%-not too fattening, but not too healthy either.  Normal, nothing to be embarrassed about.  Now on my way to the Beef-a-roni, now I admit, this is embarrassing.  Most people know that there are 2 adult women living in our house.  Do you get my point?  So only 2 cans will do!  Now for the salsa--yum---in the cart.  Check.  I've got to have chips to dip!  On the way there are a few odds and ends calling my name that I throw in the cart, after all, it is the Super Bowl!  I've got to have some good eats.  From that point on, everything in the cart is purely unhealthy.  I wander towards the checkout when--voila!  Another ward member.  All I know about this fine couple is that their last name is Jardine.  (I remember it by thinking of the petroleum company up north)  So I say hello to Brother & Sister Jardine.  They remind me that it's Fast Sunday tomorrow.  I have a knee jerk immature response and say "Oh man, are you serious?  Crap!"  As I realize how stupid I must have sounded, I remember that my hair is smooshed on one side and try to turn that side of my head the other direction.  Hoping they won't realize that it is a Saturday night and I am at the grocery store, have obviously been laying down, and have a cart full of fattening crap!  Their cart is full of about 25 little produce bags and bottled water!  (It figures).
Good grief, at this point just get me out of this #%$*!&# store.  Finally I find the checkout and true to Smith's mode of operation, there is one cashier and 5 people already waiting in line.  (All five of them are obviously tourists in their ski bibs buying beer) This just gives me more time to add more crap to my cart and stand there smelling the rotisserie chicken that I'm now parked next to.  As I stand there with a glaze over my eyes, clutching my "Fresh Values" card, what do you know, but I see another ward member.  Yet again, I don't know their first name and our carts are hovering closely together.  At this point I am thinking "Why didn't I cover the Hostess Donettes with the celery, (and why did you have to get the jumbo bag?) Did I have to put the Jell-O Mousse in the cart.  And why do you have to get the whipped cream in the can?  Do we really need TWO bags of chips?"  The "good" stuff was nowhere to be seen in my cart.  Where the hell is the celery, and the milk?  It was all covered up by pure CRAP!
30 minutes later, I finally got my turn at the checkout.  The best part is putting the CRAP on the conveyer belt.  I like to think I am pro at "hiding" the undesirable items behind the more desirable stuff.  Like, putting the Hostess Donettes in front of the big milk carton and shoving the spray whipped cream under the large baggie of celery.  Big items like chips are also good for covering other embarrassing stuff-like chocolate Mousse!  I guess the recession hasn't hit my belly!
Needless to say, this is about the point that I learned a very important lesson.  From now on when I go grocery shopping, I will stop by the produce department last!  This will enable me to mask the bad stuff with what appears to be a FULL cart of healthy eats.  I will also remember to carefully arrange the items in my cart so that curious onlookers don't have the 'birdseye' view they had tonight.